Haddenham & District Rotary Club

District 1090    R.I.B.I. Club No. 1654

	Colin Dexter enraptured his audience from start to finish -     a raconteur of the highest calibre.
Still in full flight, but now on  the home stretch, his stories never diminished in quality. Colin told us, 'life is full of  many little disappointments.'  His lugubrious style knitted together wonderfully with the humour in his anecdotes.

Interspersed with the numerous jokes were some interesting facts, amongst which were that 33 Morse books were published, the first TV Morse was broadcast 20 years ago on the 6^th January 1987, and that Colin refuses to allow any new actor to play Morse. John Thaw can never be replaced.
Great evening. Gave vote of thanks, and then we came to the raffle.
Colin picked my ticket – now my friend for life. Drinking the prize as I write this!!

Rtn Peter Davis 

• Had the promised speaker really called off because of “pressing business”? If not, what had Holt done wrong?
• Why had Behan and Holt been visiting dead letter drops in remotest England and welshest Wales?  Why had they been spending so much time together? 
• What went on in the darkroom later?

We should be told!  
However, not all these questions were to be answered during an excellent meeting reflecting Thame Witchert’s ability to enjoy ourselves while not losing sight of the opportunities to be of service.
The Scatter night looks as if it will continue well into next year.  All those who participated expressed surprise at the visited Clubs appearing to be “just like us”.  Specific visits were recorded to Southampton Clausenthum; Beachy Head; Bala and Cookham Bridge.  Well done everyone.  When Eurotary 87 is a sell-out it will be down to our intrepid scatterers.
The speaker this week was to be a friend of Brian Holt.  Unfortunately Graham had been called away “On Her Majesty’s Service”.  Always assuming that Brian can persuade Graham to come back another day, we can certainly regard Monday night’s “Behan and Holt Show” as an unexpected bonus.

	Chris Behan, with the usual appendage in his hands, during his recent sojourn to north Wales
"Are you sure the horizon's straight Chris, I don't want anyone saying it looks as though I'm falling backwards into the lake?" The other half of the duo, posing as usual!

The writer of this blog was surprised by how much he knew about the workings of digital photography until he realised that he had sat through the self-same presentation from Brian at another Rotary club!  However, we are all in the same boat now.  We all know our pixels from our pictures; our 0’s from our 1’s; the significance of interpolated pixels (nearly as bad as chicken pox?); and the most important observation that the human eye is still an order of magnitude better than the best of today’s breed of digital cameras.  Still the more mega-pixels you have, the higher your chance of producing a good result. Brian took us on a tour of the digital cameras that he has owned, showing the remorseless improvement in value for money over the last ten years.
Chis then explained “touching up”.  The writer woke up at this point, expecting a “top shelf” experience, involving air-brushes and over-exposed young ladies.  Instead he received a “top drawer” (isn’t the English language marvellous?) exposition of how to use the photo-manipulation software that comes free with most digital cameras to:

i)      rescue under-exposed shots
ii)     totally change the contents of a picture, for instance - was our intrepid non-speaker
        really in the arab looking sentry box, or did he start off in front of a blue screen in
        Chalfont St Giles?
iii)   crop out the boring bits, (usually me when the editing suite is in the hands of my wife)

We reached some conclusions:

• the camera does lie;
• we can deal with red-eye, but double chins are an entirely new challenge!
• we are lucky to have two experts in the Club who have given magnificent service over the years.

Oh yes, and John Brown awarded the Grumpling Trophy to Nigel Pledger for not putting up with his, (JB's) awful jokes - (sorry outsiders, in-joke!),  and David Rankin won the raffled bottle of wine.  Sweets to the sweet, as it were.

Rtn Mike Pitcher

Headmaster Ron Westwood and his Business Manager, Chris Ludlow.

We were greeted by Ron together with Chris Ludlow, the business manager.  Her task is to not only control expenditure, but she is also a commercial executive and as such, utilises anything that can be turned into a money raising venture; from the letting of rooms onwards.
The party was split into two groups under the guidance of Ron and Chris. We immediately found how well suited we are to this school and it's ambitions as its whole purpose is total devotion to those with PMLD. 
Yes, profound multiple learning difficulties!

A brand new 'bouncy' area in the   completed building specially designed   for children with PMLD

CROESO a CYMRU
Rwyf yn dod a chyfarchion o Glwb Rotari Bala a Penllyn

Welcome to Wales, greetings from the Rotary Club of Bala and Penllyn and President Gwyn Evans.
Forget what you think about the Welsh and more so the North Walians, last Monday night the Rotarians of Bala and Penllyn were probably the most friendly, hospitable and hilarious we have met.
The evening started at our billet with the kind hospitality of Ray Hind and his wife, Lindsay, owners of Abercelyn Country Guest House, a Grade II listed building once owned by George Holt, who at the time was Chairman of the Blue Funnel shipping company.
The Club meets on Monday nights at 7.30pm in Plas Yn Dre restaurant. 50% of the Club speak a second language, English, whilst the other 50% mainly speak English.
However, we couldn’t resist saying English words like, “time out”, “Italy” and “Brains not Brawn again”.

Brian presenting President Gwyn with a Thame    Witchert banner

Gwyn welcomed us and asked Brian to stand. “Does anyone recognise this man?” Was this the Welsh inquisition? Thankfully no one recognised Brian as the past landlord of the Silver Fountain just up the road in Bettws. They obviously hadn’t noticed his short measures.  (For none Welsh readers, Bettys is short for Bettys y Coed, a name that obviously the Welsh can’t even pronounce.)
The food was excellent. Various starters including freshly made root vegetable soup, followed by Welsh lamb or pork.
The club is fairly relaxed, actually very relaxed. Gwyn forgot his chain male.  You really need it when the marauding English, with Brian holding the Witchert banner high, cross Offa’s Dyke. The loyal toast was missing, not a mention of Owain Glyn Dwr or Llewellyn.
Our Eurotary87 presentation was received with interest and good humour. I now know what it is like to be a speaker at our Club.
The formal meeting ended at about 9.15pm and then we all adjourned to the 'White Lion Royal Hotel', next door. Brian was introduced to the wife of a Rotarian who drank in the 'Hunter’s Bar' in the Silver Fountain when he was landlord back in the seventies. The rest of his conversation with her was in Welsh. Sorry!
The locals were worth the visit. Ivan the vet was a good raconteur. Stories of Welsh sheep, prehistoric fish, which have survived since the ice age only in Bala Lake and wise cracks at the expense of my Welsh. “Nos da? I see no stars”
At midnight I realized we had not captured the Bala banner. We all leapt into 4x4s and raided the secretary’s home. We disturbed his wife, Brian asked her how Pobol y Cwn ('Corrie' to you lot) had ended and then raised the banner in the darkened streets of Bala.

Returning the favour, Brian accepts a Banner     from the Rotary Club of Bala and Penllyn.     From left, Club Secretary Garreth Griffiths,     Guest House owner and IT Contact, Ray Hind,     'himself' and President Gwyn

Thanks for a great day, Gwyn and all fellow Rotarians of Bala and Penlynn.  We hope to see some of you in Oxford in September.
By the way, where is Penlynn?

Rtn. Chris Behan

Rotary Blog Monday 5th March

Monday’s meeting was exceptional for at least two reasons. Firstly, we were graced by visit from a District Governor of the opposite sex and secondly, for the lack of barracking and interruptions. (Could there be a connection?). DG Jean Charmak gave a commendably succinct report of an intensive training course she had attended in America and highlighted some of the successes of Rotary, especially “Polio Plus”. (It was said that 5 million children were walking today who would otherwise be cripples). She also mentioned the problems of illiteracy and presented us with a Rotary colouring book, translated from the American – Unfortunately, none of the members had brought their crayons so we weren’t able to try it out. She was very complimentary about Eurotary, our website, the weekly Blog and our members who contribute at the District level, including one who had recently given an interesting talk on VAT.

D.G. Jean Charmak addresses the Club.  This weeks 'blogger', nearest the camera, hangs on every word to ensure journalistic accuracy.

Our first ever female District Governor spoke with conviction and pride in Rotary and all Rotarians

Discussion at the end of her talk focused ways in which Rotary could get more credit for its good works. One suggestion was the recruitment of more photogenic members.
John Brown gave the vote of thanks and although that included an excruciating joke about the benefits of Jeans, he received the Grumpling Trophy from Alan Dichler mainly on the basis that It was deserved by anyone who could make a VAT talk 'interesting'.

Alan Dichler prepares to give John Brown the 'Grumpling Trophy'.   We all look forward, with trepidation, to John Brown awarding the trophy on.

Finally, Mr Lazenby took the floor to introduce his respect campaign - “Children not Kids” and then for the second week running, went off with the raffle prize!

Rtn Roger Williams